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CARB embraces unique Mongolian identity; proposes expansion of Ger Area

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The Central Asian Redeveloper Bureau (CARB), at an event last evening, announced that they have arrived at a new agreement with the Municipality of Ulaanbaatar to address the affordable housing crisis in Ulaanbaatar. As per this new agreement, they have undertaken the responsibility of erasing all existing buildings and houses across the city and replacing it with Gers.

Talking on the new direction of the development project, Mr. Idont-HeckleMen said: “We have been working in Mongolia for over a decade and have consulted with experts around the world to develop Ulaanbaatar as a capital which has a unique identity, free from its soviet-past but not just another addition to the soulless high-rise, capitals of the Asian world, like Hong Kong and Singapore. At the same time, we wanted a solution that meets the requirement of the growing nation and is sustainable”.

“In the past, donor funded projects were trying to shift all the Ger residents of the capital into compact and faceless matchbox buildings and soon realised that they were disrupting the social fabric of the nation and robbing it of its identity. So we decided to do a little reverse engineering. We asked ourself – what defines Mongolia? What makes it truly unique? And the answer was staring us in our face all this time!

It’s a Ger! Everyone in the world recognises Mongolia by its Gers and a Mongolian is most comfortable in a Ger. The Mongolian ancestors had it right all along, a Ger is most efficient in the Mongolian winter, it can be heated easily, it is economic, it is sustainable and can be made environment friendly by using electric stoves. Gers promote community living and a sense of camaraderie among residents. The construction material for the Ger’s – sheep skin – is abundantly available, after all sheep outnumber humans 35 to 1.”

The benefits of the plan on a macro-economic level are far-reaching. With this there will be a new era of socio-economic equality and justice. All residents of the city, rich and poor, will live side-by-side in identical Gers. Everyone will be at the same level – the ground level. The country will also get an economic boost as it will no longer have to spend resources on providing electricity and heating, saving millions of dollars per year that can be used for other productive projects, such as building an army of statues to the likeliness of hollywood stars, to accompany the Chinggis statue.

We will put up a special luxury Ger village for the delegates in the location where Zaisan is currently.

This plan will be put into motion rather rapidly to prepare the capital for the upcoming ASEM summit. Mr I-am-Batman, Development Director of the newly set up ministry, ‘Demolition is the New Development’ (DND), said: “We want to showcase a Mongolia that the delegates will never forget. We are proud of our culture and heritage, we are nomads and we want to show them nomadic living. We will put up a special luxury Ger village for the delegates in the location where Zaisan is currently.”

He further elaborated: “This is not a hasty decision, we have studied different countries around the world. Look at Bhutan, they are the happiest country in the world, they only build with traditional materials and in similar shapes. We are ranked 13th by Gallup International’s ‘End of Year (2015)’ index; three per cent of Mongolians are unhappy! With this development we will top the happiness index next year. We will be the only country in the world with a truly nomadic and mobile capital, we can move the city whenever and wherever we want. The ministry is considering moving the city to Khuvusgul every summer.”

All residents of the capital will be asked to evacuate the city during Naadam. The DND ministry has ordered special demolition cranes with Genghis Khan motifs on it from Ukraine. The demolition of the city will take three days, followed by three days of clean-up. All the waste material will be transported to the Gobi, where Oyu Tolgoi has offered to store the waste underground at their mining facilities along with nuclear waste.

Once the residents of the city return, they will be given materials to build Gers. One Ger for a family for 4-6 members and two Gers for bigger families. Families can request for more Gers by proving extraordinary circumstances and need. All government agencies will also work out of Gers, giving them the enviable benefit of travelling around the country as nomads. The private sector will have to fund their own Gers, but any structure not made of animal skin and not in the shape of a Ger is banned. There will be heavy penalties for disobeying the new laws.

The entire process will take nine days, just in time for the ASEM summit.

SOURCE: M.A.D. April's Fool

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