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Government of Mongolia takes part in April’s Fool’s tradition

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In a surprise move this morning, the Government of Mongolia (GoM) has shocked the nation by partaking in the traditional April’s Fool tradition.

In what has over the years become a global tradition of spreading fake rumours, carrying out pranks or publishing hoaxes, the GoM has published this morning its “resolutions for an improved Mongolia”. The resolution was supposedly signed late last night by all members of the Parliament, in an emergency session called by the Speaker.

The Resolution is made up of a long list of items that all parliament members pledge to uphold and promote or risk mutilation, exile and ridicule by the people. Below are presented some extracts from the Resolution, available in full from official Government Website (in Mongolian only).

We, the Members of Parliament of Mongolia, as elected representatives of the people, shall herewith and forever more abide by the terms of the following resolution or suffer the risks of public humiliation, condemnation to exile in China, removal of our proud nationality, mutilation of precious body parts and to undertake a transfusion of blood from a Chinese national. 

  • We shall no longer arbitrarily cancel contracts, demand a change in terms, or withhold reasonable permissions of any existing agreements with Foreign and Domestic companies for no reasons other than our own personal and political gains. This includes but is not limited to Oyu Tolgoi, Tavan Tolgoi, Khan Resources, Gatchuurt Mines or Rosewood Restaurant.
  • We shall work towards the greater benefit of the Mongol nation and all its people instead of our own personal and financial gains, we shall immediately cease our corrupt activities, renounce all secret allegiances and deals made to the detriment of the people of the country.
  • We shall not take on more debt than we can afford and waste such capital proceeds on futile investments to companies of family members, on “consultation fees” to each other or on state companies that will never contribute to the financial health of the country. 
  • We shall be liable to implement the statements and promises that we make publicly, including but not limited to election times. This includes statement of welcoming foreign investments, building railways, signing key agreements, paying debts and arbitration court liabilities as well as carrying through projects of national importance which are often publicly launched but quietly abandoned soon after. 
  • We shall say no more that we welcome Foreign Investment while at the same time reinstating draconian visa conditions, raising astronomical prices on worker’s visa, increasing workers quotas, demanding increasingly demeaning health checks and requiring increasingly vast sums of capital to register a company. 
  • We shall stop naming everything in the country after the great Chinggis Khaan or variations of it but shall instead use some of the many other respect Mongolian artists and people of historical significance. Occasionally the names of foreigners or foreign places may also be used as a mark of respect and globalisation. 
  • We shall stop using the Anti Corruption Office as a political tool to exert pressure on political and business opponents but give true independence and a mandate to prosecute everyone irrespective of position, power or financial ability to corrupt others. Once prosecuted, criminals shall not be pardoned quietly after a couple of months in a comfortable prison. 
  • We shall stop granting ourselves amnesties for our corrupt actions, for money laundering, for “forgetting” to paying taxes or for illegal deals we may have made. Instead we agree to be subject to the same laws and standards as the citizens that we supposedly represent. 
  • We shall immediately cease all nationalist statements that are utterly unfeasible and based purely on what an electorate might like to hear but rather focus on developing the economy of the country, building sustainable infrastructure and raising investor confidence. 
  • We commit to attending sessions of parliament a minimum of 35% of the time we are supposed to be there, we also commit to stop “voting” on behalf of other parliament members in their absence.
  • We agree to end our dependence on sovereign debt, quantitive easing, foreign aid or swap agreements within the coming 4 years and focus instead on developing a sustainable national economy based on long-term foreign investments, added value manufacturing and processing within the country as well as reduce public spending and cash hand outs in favour of creating a healthy private sector.
  • We shall stop politicising every possible thing that we can get our hands on and thus delaying the process indefinitely and instead focus on establishing fair and just laws that apply equally to all citizens, provide a fair environment for commerce and trade, do not discriminate against investors of any kind, are sustainable over the long and can be enforced. 
  • We shall grant the Bank of Mongolia and the Judicial & Law Enforcement organisations true independence from political interference and allow them to implement their mandate free from pressure from political parties or elected individuals.
  • We shall stop bickering about silly things, point fingers or otherwise sabotage efforts for greater political unity within the Government, we shall instead act like reasonable adults, debate options, choose the best way forward for all citizens and implement it in an adult like manner without resorting to insults or stealing of lunch boxes.
  • We shall immediately cease going on all expenses paid vague “study trips” to Hawaii, Alaska, Thailand, Indonesia, Geneva and other exotic destinations on the pretence that we are attending a half day workshop on marine biology, road construction, or medical advances in neuroscience. 
  • We shall stop blaming China, foreigners or commodity prices for the economic collapse of the country and admit that it was all our own doing and that we while we are the problem, we are also the solution. 
SOURCE: M.A.D. April's Fool

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