Following on from visits of the Mongolian authorities to Chile, a country to the exact global opposite of Mongolia, co-operation has been strengthened with the respective Ministers of Silly Walks from both countries agreeing last week on an unusual transport scheme.
Over a vodka fuelled public breakfast meeting, both ministers became rather joyous and vowed, till death did them apart, to be best friends forever. The (often hard to comprehend or translate) discussions ranged from their love of meat to their fondness for great empires of times past. As breakfast progressed towards lunch, both ministers realised that both of their countries can show great mining expertise as well as a desire to trade with countries other than their immediate neighbours. From this was born an idea that may well revolutionise global trade as we know it.
Air travel between Mongolia and Chile is complicated and expensive while sea travel is slow and cumbersome. The logical train of thought brought them to the idea of digging a tunnel through the core of the earth to join both countries. While this idea may seem ridiculous at first, it does have its merits on second thought.
Both Mongolia, with its Oyu Tolgoi project and Chile with its Chuquicamata copper mine, have undertaken globally significant tunnelling projects and have acquired considerable experience in the matter. Both countries also have relevant experience in running a train schedule that is mostly on time.
“It is really surprising since they haven’t been able to agree on OT for the past 6 years that they got this project through in no time at all” Mr IanMcGruff
It is not the first time that such a project has been considered, Professor Otto Lidenbrock in 1864 journeyed to the centre of the earth and in doing so proved that not only that it was feasible, it was also economically viable since volcanic ‘tubes’ criss cross the core of the earth thus reducing considerably on tunnelling costs and making construction progress considerably faster.
The tunnels would not technically cross through the core of the planet but rather remain within the lower half of the earth’s mantle thereby avoiding the issues of excessive heat or danger to workers.
The technology used for transport itself will be high-speed capsules within a 4m diameter vacuum tube. Mr Daryl Oster, the Californian inventor of the technology has been quoted as saying that a capsule could travel from Ulaanbaatar to Santiago in a little less than two hours.
Following highly confidential meetings between the two sides over a three week period, the project was approved by the Mongolian board of extraordinary and interplanetary projects on the 27th of March 2014 which, as Mr IanMcGruff, CEO of Blueish Hills, stated “is really surprising since they haven’t been able to agree on OT for the past 6 years that they got this project through in no time at all”.
“…we fooled the world into giving us 1.5 Billion USD the first time around, it should be no problem to convince them to give us this new bond” Minister Batbayar
Nonsense Incorporated, a global tunneling consultancy company has been hired to carry out the preliminary studies. Its, CEO, Mr. Nulettropcherix has confided with a reporter from the Mongolian Pravda newspaper that “we will initially be using imported Chinese labour and equipment since the risks are quite high and well, the population of Mongolia is quite small… it doesn’t really matter if a few hundred Chinese workers sadly die in the first tunneling excavations but a few hundred Mongolians would be an outright disaster… not that many of them around you see….”
Financing from the work will be split between the two countries, Mongolia is planning to raise a new Chinggis Bond of 1.5 trillion USD to finance their side of it. Minister Batbayar from the Ministry of Wasteful Spending has said at a recent press conference: “…we fooled the world into giving us 1.5 Billion USD the first time around, it should be no problem to convince them to give us this new bond… after all, the US has a national debt of over 12 trillion USD, what’s a little trillion more?”
“it is important for landlocked or otherwise marginalised countries to have an independent, efficient and cost effective means of transport between each other” Mr. Anthony Mlair
The tunnel is initially being called the “Chinggis de Valdivia” tunnel to commemorate the greatest conquerors of both countries but may instead end up to be called the “Cross-World Advanced Tunnel or ‘CAT’ for short”
Other secondary tunnels, leading to the primary UB-Santiago tunnel may be dug at mid-points such as from the Snæfellsjökull volcano in Iceland, another country that would benefit greatly from being able to access this network. Mr. Anthony Mlair, Director of Global Peace and Understanding of the Institute of Python Studies has declared in yesterday’s press conference that “it is important for landlocked or otherwise marginalised countries to have an independent, efficient and cost effective means of transport between each other”. He went on to say that “Mongolia, Iceland, Chile and Ethiopia will eventually form the coalition of the “MICE” countries that will be linked through the C.A.T system that will serve to counter-balance the trading monopoly of the CHEESE countries (China, Hong Kong, Egypt, Estonia, Singapore and Ecuador)”.
Work on tunnelling will start in both countries in July 2014 and the first high-speed capsules are expected to travel between the two capitals from September 2019. The capsules will be able to carry considerable trade goods as well as passengers.
Based on their already strong friendships, the ministers of silly walks from both countries are already discussing the potential to migrate the entire population of Mongolia (including cattle) to Chile from October until March and bring-in the entire population of Chile to Mongolia for the summer months. The best of both worlds.
Please note that this article is intended as an April’s fool article and is not meant to be taken seriously. The event or situations it depicts are purely fictional and bear no resemblance to any real life situation.SOURCE: Special Reporter - Alungoo - for M.A.D. Newswire April's Fool