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Business / Featured News / Mongolia News / April 1, 2015

M.A.D. to open Mongolia’s first SpacePort

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Managing Partner of M.A.D., Mr. Christopher de Gruben has recently announced the firm’s plans for their future expansion into new territories.

Mr de Gruben stated that: “with the Mongolian economy still growing at a rapid pace and the  growing desires of the Mongol people to restore their once glorious world domination pride, the time has come to look towards the future and establish the foundations of what will become a new empire, a galactic empire”.

Mongolia first joined the Outer Space Treaty of the UN in 1967 and successfully sent a men to space on March 22nd 1981 but it relied on the goodwill, technology and financing of the Soviet Union. On the 3rd of June 2013, the Prime Minister of Mongolia officially unveiled its National Space Program, a program which would see Mongolia launch its own fleet of weather and communication satellites, starting with the Mongolsat communication satellite in 2014. Sadly, due to subversive forces in the west, keen to see an impoverished and weak Mongolia, the program lacked financing and support from the international community and despite the best efforts of our valiant politicians was quietly retired.

“With the Mongolian economy still growing at a rapid pace and the growing desires of the Mongol people to restore their once glorious world domination pride, the time has come to look towards the future and establish the foundations of what will become a new empire, a galactic empire”

Mrs Uyanga, head of deep alien research projects at the Mongolian Academy of Science explained that, in co-operation with the Nuclear Research Centre of Mongolia and the Mr. William Graham, head of the M.A.D. boffin institute, they have ascertained that the best possible location for a spaceport was indeed the Gobi desert, right about where OT is. She went on to explain: when I first started work at the deep Alien institute I was surprised to see that Mongolia had over 7,000 registered aliens but was reassured when I was told that they were actually foreigners from earth, not aliens from outer space. Once we had cleared this up, I devoted my second year to the study of the space time continuum and found through a calculation that included a model based on the theory of relativity to the power of gravity, that the copper deposits at OT would be a perfect point for both departures and arrivals of intergalactic spaceflights. With the outflow of expats and foreign investment since 2013, the only white people left in the country were the guys at M.A.D. and so we naturally approached them with our plan.

Mr. de Gruben then went on to talk about the setbacks that the famed Mongolsat satellite have encountered in its program, but established that the M.A.D. team is confident that Mongolia is the idea place to build the world’s largest spaceport, he explained that: “with the vast natural resources available in the ground, the wide open spaces, the perfect location along the geospatial orbit and the extraordinary devotion of the hard working Mongolians, the sky is the limit”.

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The Moon, M.A.D.’s first low cost spatial destination launching in 2020.

There is of course the small matter of Oyu Tolgoi who would have to be shut down for the spaceport to be built but this was dismissed by Mr. Bertot D Adams, Chief Enforcement Officer (CEO) who mentioned after the press briefing that “we have started implementing our OT removal plan about 3 years ago and so far its going along really well, we are very proud of the results and expect OT to vacate the premises within the next 18 months or so, the world has been fooled as to our true intentions, this shows that despite what outside experts say, Mongolians can work as one nation, one people towards one goal”.

“With the participation of Mongolia in ITB Berlin, it is clear that the tourism industry of Mongolia will take off, the Mongolian ministry of tourism expects up to a million tourists a year within the next couple of years, with the M.A.D. spaceport and the arrival of hordes of space tourisms, Ulaanbaatar could rival with Paris and New York as some of the most visited cities on earth. The boom to tourism would be enormous but the impact on the economy and the reputation of Mongolia and incalculable.

The Spaceport itself will be financed through generations contributions from Mr. Kim, Mr. Kim, Mr. Lee and Mr. Kim from North Korea, they represent a very interested party in the venture who declined to be named but is rumoured to be Mr. Kim himself. The DPRK clearly has a strong vested interest in the exploration of new territories since the great world domination plans of the Great Leader will soon be completed and we must now move to the Galactic domination plans.

Moving swiftly along, Mr. de Gruben, continued to expand on the project’s rational: “with the participation of Mongolia in ITB Berlin, it is clear that the tourism industry of Mongolia will take off, the Mongolian ministry of tourism expects up to a million tourists a year within the next couple of years, with the M.A.D. spaceport and the arrival of hordes of space tourisms, Ulaanbaatar could rival with Paris and New York as some of the most visited cities on earth. The boom to tourism would be enormous but the impact on the economy and the reputation of Mongolia and incalculable.”

Mr. Bertot meets with Mr. Kim, a mysterious investor

Mr. Bertot meets with Mr. Kim, a mysterious investor

The M.A.D. team then proceeded to unveil with great fanfare and cheerleaders the plan for Mongolia’s very first spaceport. With its futuristic design and expansive facilities, it will not only be a global leader in space travel, relegating the virgin galactic spaceport to the level of amusing side show but will also be a shining beacon to display Mongolian ingenuity and construction skills. “Nothing has ever been attempted to this scale, it simply beggars belief, the potential is limitless” said Mr. Anoop Clarke, Chief Alien Communications Officer for M.A.D.

The spaceport will allow for continued spaceflight operations, regardless of weather or magnetic tendencies, it will be able to cater to approximately 300,000 passengers an hour and will be able to receive an average of 42 spaceships an hour on its multidirectional runway. In the second phase of the project, an atomic lift to Mars will be installed, allowing for interstellar elevator travel at a speed of nearly 6.2 lightyears per second.

“This also fits in very well with Mongolia’s planned fourth neighbour policy” said Mr. Isaac Verne, Chief Emigration Strategist for the Prime Minister’s department of super secret projects. “since we have ruined relationships with our 1st, 2nd and 3rd neighbours, we really hope that we will be able to find a 4th or even 5th neighbour”

Mr. Batbold Asimov, Director of Mongolian Intergalactic space projects said that Mongolia had a strong interest into seeing this project succeed since it is suggest that the great Chinggis Khan went to the heavens, the Mongolian team would like to find this heaven place and bring back to great Khan so that he could restore order in Mongolia and carry on his interrupted quest for a Mongolian world.

The spaceport will start construction in September 2016, soon after the Mongolian Parliamentary elections, at a time when analyst’s expect OT share price to be at its lowest ever thus require only a gentle ‘nudge’ to convince them to seek fortunes elsewhere. Construction is expected to be complete by 2018 and the first spaceflights to take place in 2020.

Please note that this article is intended as an April’s fool article and is not meant to be taken seriously. The event or situations it depicts are purely fictional and bear no resemblance to any real life situation.

SOURCE: M.A.D. April's Fool




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