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Featured News / Mongolia News / Politics / April 1, 2015

Mongolia taps India as wingman in baby making race

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Having recently celebrated the birth of the three millionth baby in Mongolia, the Ministry of Human Production has announced the goal of doubling the country’s population over the next five years. The Government is seeking help from the world’s foremost expert in population explosions, India, to achieve this noble goal.

A team of renowned experts from India will be landing in Mongolia today to conduct an extensive workshop on the fine art of producing babies. The team includes renowned reproduction expert, and now Bollywood icon (former – but by some accounts current – porn star), Sunny Looney.

Speaking on her arrival, Ms Looney said: “It has been my life’s work to help people get a hump on. I was told on the plane that Mongolia is actually known for a double-hump something… I am forgetting the rest of it – but I’m sooooo excited!”

Speaking on the effort, Minister Bat-batty, said “We have long looked at our third-or-so neighbour India and marvelled at their loins. What an amazing race! They have multiplied in a true democratic tradition, listening to no one. We have the democracy right, now to get the demographics sorted. I have researched this extensively, downloading – legally, of course – all of Ms Looney’s masterclasses and believe we as a nation can benefit from their deep experience.”

The minister, however, declined to detail deep-what experience he was referring to.

The expedition is being guided by spiritual and sexual guru, Baba au-Rum, who claims to have led millions in a sweaty journey to fulfilment.

Speaking as he demonstrated poses from the Kama Sutra (alone) in front of the Beatles Statue, he said: “We have found that our villages with no electricity, running water or roads are the most productive. We urge the GoM to consider a weekly lights out across the entire country, however maintaining 40-50 degree C optimum temperatures, to boost production.  I am very pleased with what has already been achieved in the Grrrrr districts [is that how you say it?], there is real potential there. All we need is to shut down satellite TV for a few weeks!”

Heading the expedition from the Indian side is former Chief Minister Loo-loo Yadav, said: “The revolution in India has come from the meeting of ancient and modern science. Mongolians must stop eating beef – it is bad for reproductive health. In fact, in India we take this so seriously that you can go to jail for five years for eating beef. Also, some say drinking your own urine is very good for you. But I wouldn’t know, of course. And finally, the internet, Mongolia must immediately unblock all porn sites – it provides great stimulus! Also, because I haven’t been able to see any of Sunny’s tweets since I got here. This is torture.”

The 15 day workshop is open to all between the age of 45 to 75 – according to former Minister Looloo, the most appropriate ages to have sex in – and has seen record registrations. Sources tell us that the workshop will be held in a heated auditorium in the parliamentary house so as to maintain a temperature of 45 degree Celsius. The Indians insist that a hot environment is especially conducive, and are currently experimenting with methods to also make it oppressively humid for optimal results.

Please note that this article is intended as an April’s fool article and is not meant to be taken seriously. The event or situations it depicts are purely fictional and bear no resemblance to any real life situation.

SOURCE: M.A.D. April's Fool




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