Celebrity Chef Cliffe Arrand has unveiled yesterday his plans for the expansion of his Rosewood brand in Mongolia. “Rosewood has grown tremendously in the past few years and we believe that it is now time to look at new sectors for growth” said Chef Arrand as he started explaining his three pronged strategy for future market domination.
Rosewood, a local restaurant brand focused on good quality Italian inspired food has long been considered one of the best and most consistent restaurants in UB but as the Chief Creative Officer, Miss Enkhzaya, recently stated that the market for Italian inspired American delicacies with a Mongolian twist was limited and as such there were keen to explore new niche markets for future growth: “we have carried out lots of market research and have experimented with American inspired Italian delicacies but quickly found that there was no such thing, we then looked at doing Mongolian inspired Italian dishes with an American twist but got really confused in the process, so gave up”.
“We are confident that the dogs will get on well with our clients, it seems to work within the city, what could possibly go wrong?”
The Rosewood executive team then decided to explore entirely new and unusual directions, Chef Arrand stated that: “we looked abroad for inspiration and one of the things that we noticed early on was that cat cafes were incredibly popular in Japan and Korea, since there aren’t many cats in Mongolia we decided that we really ought to open a dog cafe and restaurant, customers will be able to either bring their own dogs to the cafe or benefit from the company of one of approximately 6 house dogs that will be permanently based in the cafe”. The food would also be dog themed with dishes such the German Shepherd’s pie and cheesy Chihuahua pizza. Chef Cliffe stated that some of the house dogs would be rescues from the recently closed Pyongyang restaurant (different dog restaurant concept) but that most were street rescues. “We are confident that the dogs will get on well with our clients, it seems to work within the city, what could possibly go wrong?” added Miss Enkhzaya, further noting that in a second phase of the development, they intend to open a dog rental service for those individuals who valued the company of a dog but didn’t want the responsibility. ‘Rosewood Doggy Bag House’, as it is currently named, is slated to open in autumn 2015 and is set to be located near Parliament House as it is hoped that nervous politicians in the run up to the election would appreciate some non-judgemental neutral company. It is hoped that the concept can be eventually expended to include sheep and other company animals but early tests have not proven successful.
Chef Arrand then carried on by expanding on Rosewood’s second new niche market strategy by showing the assembled media community graphic pictures of himself running through the woods – without any clothes. He explained that “ever since I grew up in a Mongolian ger in an American hippy community, I have felt a special connection to nature, I like nothing more than spending time in the wild … clothes and all those material possessions we have only get in the way of my creativity and deep sense of belonging”. Chef Arrand continued to talk of his close spiritual relationship with famed Chef René Redzepi of the award winning Noma restaurant in Copenhagen. “we are like kindred souls that are striving to create a more sustainable and a more real world, a world where we live in true symbiosis with our environment, like the blue people in Avatar”. It is this yearning for authenticity and a return to the early roots of civilisation of the hunter-gatherer days that has led the Chef to open Mongolia’s very first ‘Molecular Forage Only’ concept restaurant.
“we are like kindred souls that are striving to create a more sustainable and a more real world, a world where we live in true symbiosis with our environment, like the blue people in Avatar”
Talking of the base concept, Chef Arrand passionately talked of his desire to mix the molecular gastronomy elements pioneered by Chef Ferran Adrià at the ElBulli restaurant in Spain with the organic foraging natural elements of Noma into redefining Mongolian cuisine. Talking of the concept, Chef Arrand said: “I have spent entire week-ends connecting with my primal sense of nature, rolling and cajoling in the woods of Mongolia with abandon, connecting in a deep sense with its livestock and conversing with the keepers of Mongolia’s soul, its nomads. I have then taken that profound experience and have spent the winter exploring the complicated chemistry of Mongolian plants and herbs. What I have found is that there is not only extraordinary untapped potential for redefining Mongolian culinary habits but also to create an entirely new food experience. The cuisine will go beyond the usual sense of taste and smell but also incorporate elements of touch, sight and sound, it will be a complete sensory overload that will bring us back to our inner core.” He went on to explain that “everything in the restaurant will be organic and locally sourced, the plates will be intricate woven leaves, the napkins made out of locally sourced grass, the clothes for the waiters will be organic fabric made from tree fibres (still in development) and there will be no cutlery, metal or otherwise. We aim for zero waste, pigs in the back of the kitchen will dispose of all organic waste and leftovers will be recycled into future meals.
If the concept takes off, Chef Arrand plans to organise week-end retreats for corporate customers to the Mongolian wilderness to experience a true marriage with nature and discover the joys of foraging for themselves.
“I have spent entire week-ends connecting with my primal sense of nature, rolling and cajoling in the woods of Mongolia with abandon, connecting in a deep sense with its livestock and conversing with the keepers of Mongolia’s soul, its nomads.”
Finally, Chef Arrand has unveiled what he believes to be a world first in capital raising, for the next two months, customers will be given a special menu at all three of the current Rosewood locations where food prices will be listed in thousands of USD and not the usual MNT amount. A pizza would for instance cost 18,000 USD while a panini would cost 15,000 USD, the twist is that with your pizza or panini, you will receive a certain number of shares in the ownership of the restaurant itself. “we still have to work out the legal implications of this, in particular if people eat the dish but refuse to pay up but our legal team, headed by Mr. Trustusplease is confident that it can all be done completely above board. Chef Gordon Ramsey is rumoured to be one of the early investors as he now plans to revive and franchise his Kitchen Nightmare series, using Chef Arrand as his body double in the Mongolian episodes.
Miss Enkhzaya said that in coming up with this new expansion strategy, they explored hundreds of ideas, such as doing a twist on the Nyotaimori concept (restaurants serving sushi on naked female models) but using Mongolian male wrestlers and Mongolian food instead, the idea was abandoned after a few trial runs since there were concerns with hygiene, fried food on naked flesh and the stability of the food on the wrestler’s bodies. They also attempted to launch Mongolia’s first drone delivery system but this failed when all the test drones froze mid-flight.
The evening presentation ended in a spectacular way with the unveiling of the soon to be launched “chef-in-a-box” concept where a chef is literally shipped in a small box alongside his ingredients to clients apartments. While Miss Enkhzaya hopes to expand the business globally through a partnership with DHL, Rosewood will first test run the concept in Ulaanbaatar before expanding nationally throughout Mongolia.
Closing the evening, Miss Enkhzaya said that “its an incredible honour for us to be able to unveil our new strategy with such a distinguished crowd present, we truly believe that through those initiatives Mongolia will regain its lost place in the culinary annals of history. We aim not only to redefine our understanding of cooking but also of the most basic elements of food and the action of eating itself.” We do indeed live through exciting and revolutionary times.
Please note that this article is intended as an April’s fool article and is not meant to be taken seriously. The event or situations it depicts are purely fictional and bear no resemblance to any real life situation.SOURCE: M.A.D. April's Fool