M.A.D. Investment Solutions, a Mongolian leader in the real estate market is to embark on the construction of their most ambitious project yet; the construction of a 103 floor high mixed use tower in central Ulaanbaatar, on Chinggis Square. The ground-breaking building will have a ‘reversed pyramid’ shape with each floor plate successively bigger than the last.
“The M.A.D. Tower of doom is set to start construction in summer 2014 and is set to open its doors in late 2015” Mr. Regenukht
M.A.D. has chosen to build 103 floors in celebration of the 103 years of Mongolian independence from the Qing Dinasty in 1911. Central major project engineer of the Revolutionary party, Mr Sukhbaatar has said that “for M.A.D. to build such a momentous building in our glorious city is a true reflection of their revolutionary zeal, the symbolism of building 103 floors to celebrate our magnificent independence is pure genius.” M.A.D. has further vowed to build an additional floor to the building every year to remain up to date with the date of independence. M.A.D. Managing Partner further added that “we will probably have to stop this practice once we reach floor 200 or so, for architectural integrity reasons of course”. It is expected that from floor 180, visitors will be able to see all the way to China on a clear day.
“The symbolism of building 103 floors to celebrate our magnificent independence is pure genius” Mr Sukhbaatar
The controversially named “Tower of Doom” has undergone extensive market research to find a suitable name. The first chosen name was “Chinggis Tower” but it was thought that many people in Mongolia may not realise that this was in reference to the great Chinggis Khaan who forged the Mongol Empire in the 13th century. “Chinggis Khaan is not really well known or promoted within Mongolia and so due to its striking black angular design, we thought the name “tower of doom” would be emblematic and stand the test of time” said David Goldbergerstein, the C.O.N (Chief of Naming) at M.A.D.
David further added that “Kim Jong Un, the DPRK Glorious Leader, was initially hoping for such a grand building to be named in his honour but has agreed to the proposed name as long as three burial chambers were built for grand daddy Kimmy, daddy Kimmy and little Kimmy”.
Uyanga Tsoggerel, chief designer of extraordinary projects at M.A.D. is confident that construction can proceed very quickly. “We have bought a fleet of chinook helicopters that will greatly assist in lifting the primary steel beams into place”. M.A.D. has hired Mormon Architects LLC to carry out the feasibility study and preliminary designs. “they are really trustworthy and constantly wish to reach closer to God so we had our interests aligned”. Certain technological challenges still remain, in particular the integration of the tower within the upcoming “ulaanbaatar pollution dome”. The tower is higher than the dome so parts of it will be “sticking out” from the dome (approximately at floor 42) but the positive elements is that it will then be connected to the UB catapult system. The top floors will also each feature giant outdoor pools that will automatically become ice skating rinks in winter.
“The tower of doom, will be Asia’s most luxurious, unique and breathtaking development, all bathrooms will feature gold taps” Christopher de Gruben
“The tower of doom, will be Asia’s most luxurious, unique and breathtaking development, all bathrooms will feature gold taps, we are using “Louis the 24th” style furniture throughout and will have crystal chandeliers in all the lifts” said Christopher de Gruben, M.A.D. Managing Partner and dictator in training. He then went on to add that “after having carried out very extensive studies in the taste of the typical Mongolian Oligarch, we have hired Versace to design the entire building, our CFO is not convinced that the project is financially viable, but we have spoken to some friends who confirm that they would almost certainly buy into the project”. Karl Lagarfed is also rumoured to be designing the lift buttons in a striking black and white colour scheme.
The ‘tower of doom’, amongst its many luxury amenities, has also been designed with a potential zombie apocalypse in mind. A 7 floor luxury underground bunker will be built under the structure while the outside panes of glass are 7 inch reinforced bullet proof. The building will be provisioned with ample ammunition, medical supplies and food so that the many UB oligarchs will be able to outlive the zombie hordes in some level of comfort. Sniper platforms have been designed on floors 5 till 15 so that the lucky few may enjoy some afternoon sport sniping at the assorted zombies. Additional safety features, rumoured to be the first of their kind in the world, will be installed but remain confidential at this time. Joachim Bertot, head of evil and doomsday projects for M.A.D. has commented on the plans: “we are really hoping for a slow moving flesh eating type of zombie apocalypse, not the fast intelligent and organised ones, we are not really prepared for those”.
“We have bought a fleet of chinook helicopters that will greatly assist in lifting the primary steel beams into place” Uyanga Tsoggerel
“The M.A.D. Tower of doom is set to start construction in summer 2014 and is set to open its doors in late 2015” said Mr. Regenukht, chief Olympic Architect in charge of this project, “we have built many such projects in the past, have never had any delays or problems and are 100% confident that we can build it in the timeframe despite an apparent lack of financing or comprehension of the cyclical challenges of the Mongolian economy. Worst come to the worst we can always have an “opening party” years before the actual completion”.
Please note that this article is intended as an April’s fool article and is not meant to be taken seriously. The event or situations it depicts are purely fictional and bear no resemblance to any real life situation.SOURCE: M.A.D. Newswire April's Fool